This post is about how friendships change in your 30s.
I have had the pleasure of making wonderful friends in both my 20s and 30s. But when I actually stop to think about the types and depths of these friendships, I can't help but notice how different friendships in my 30s are compared to friendships in my 20s.
So let's take a look at some of the major differences between friendships in your 30s and friendships in your 20s.
This post is about how friendships change in your 30s.
1. Everyone is in wildly different places in life.
At least in my 20-something friend group, we all kind of went through the same big life experiences around the same general time as each other. These were things such as:
- Going to college
- Moving out on your own for the first time
- Landing your first "grown up" job
- Swiping on Tinder
- Drinking $2 beer
But oh boy -- in your 30s, no one seems to be on the same page.
- Some friends are easily making six-figures, while others are working entry-level jobs.
- Some friends are single, some are dating, some are engaged, some are married, some are divorced.
- Some friends have kids, some friends are pregnant, some friends are trying for kids, some friends are like, "Hell no -- no kids for me."
- Some friends are buying houses, some friends are renting, some friends live at home with parents.
- Some friends are in undergrad programs, some friends are in postgrad, some friends are in the process of receiving or have already received Doctorate degrees!
- Some friends are still drinking $2 beers while others turn up their nose at any drink if it's not a $20 speciality cocktail.
In your 30s, everyone in your friend group seems to have a unique set of circumstances, with very few friends going through the exact same things at any given time. Like, what the hell is going on in the 30-something water???
2. There are far less (i.e. zero) 2 AM nights.
You know what I don't want to do? Go out past midnight.
You know what none of my 30-something friends want to do? Go out past midnight.
So you know what we don't do as a friend group anymore? Go out past midnight.
In our 20s, 2 AM nights weren't just common. They were the norm. In fact, our social lives pretty much revolved around late nights out, but at 30-something, our interests have... changed. While we do have the rare late night, 2 AM outings have pretty much ceased to exist.
(I am not sad to see those go.)
3. Hangouts are a lot more couple-y.
In your 20s, friend hangouts are a lot less couple-y and involve far fewer significant others than friend hangouts in your 30s.
Of course, during your 20s, you're bound to have friends in relationships, but relationships in your 20s just seemed much more fleeting in hindsight. So while some people in a 20-something friend group may have relationships, friend-exclusive hangouts are much more common in your 20s than they are in your 30s.
This isn't to say outings sans significant others don't exist in your 30s, but they are not the norm. Unless explicitly stated otherwise, "Let's hangout!" in this decade really means, "Let's hang out, significant others included!"
This is a drastic change from your 20s, when asking, "Do you care if [insert significant other's name here] comes?" was a commonly-asked question because plus-ones didn't typically have an open invitation to impede upon friend time.
4. Weekends are friend primetime.
Except for special occasions, weekday hangouts are pretty much no-gos. I get it: we're busier now with work than we were in our 20s, and honestly, the stamina after working all day just isn't there.
Once upon a 20-something time, I would work from 5:30 AM until 8:30 PM on a Tuesday night, then meet friends out at trivia at 9 PM, and we'd be out until 11 PM.
You know who's doing that now? Not my 30-something butt -- and not the 30-something butts of my friends, either.
Unless it's a birthday, we pretty much reserve friend time for weekends -- and even then, sometimes it's hard to make get togethers happen. Which provides a perfect segue into my next point...
5. Get togethers are far less frequent.
When I was in my 20s, I was always with my friends.
At one point, I joked that my friends and I would "kidnap" each other on weekends. In that we'd meet up on Fridays after work, and we'd bop around together until Sunday evening.
But these day, those days are things of a distant past.
When we're able to see each other multiple weekends in a row, it feels like we've won the lottery.
6. Friendships feel more substantial
In your 20s, everything feels very transitional and temporary. For the first time, you're on your own and navigating the world by yourself, after all!
Leaving home. Meeting new people. Dating. Starting a career. Traveling. Moving.
Your 20s are all about figuring out who you are and who you'll be now that you're an "adult." Everyone in their 20s seems to be living in at least some degree of flux and impermanence.
But for that reason, it's kind of universally understood (but goes unsaid) that friendships, while wonderful in your 20s, will admittedly come and go.
While flux still exists in your 30s, it's a far less dominant force in life. Because you have so many more responsibilities and obligations now (to work, to relationships, to family, etc.), dropping everything to go explore and try something new just isn't as easy (or feasible) as it was in your 20s.
Plus, you just don't really have that kind of boundless energy any more.
Unfortunately, these responsibilities and obligations force friendships to take a backseat, so maintaining friendships in your 30s requires a lot more effort than your 20s. But when your schedules align and you're able to make time for one another, there's an underlying sense of, "I could only pick one person to see this weekend, and I picked you, knucklehead!"
For the friendships and people you value, however, carving out the time is so worth it. Overall, your 30s are marked by much more-significant moments than your 20s were, so the people you choose to spend these important moments with feel all the more special.
A friendship that survives your 30s will be a friendship you have for life.
So now, I'm wondering: What are your thoughts on how friendships change in your 30s? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
And to my friends who are reading this, I am going to be uncharacteristically sappy because I'm now feeling uncharacteristically sentimental: You're the best, and I love you 😊❤️