We all have them right. Those little things inside of us that haunt us. They come and they go, playing games inside our heads and our hearts. No matter how hard we try, they don’t get away, and neither do we.

About a year ago, I wrote a post about my father whose demons got the best of him…and the best of me. I didn’t realize it then, when I was younger and could have helped him, but my inability to recognize the things that haunt us, that haunted him, left a lasting effect.

It has taken me years to admit and even longer to write down but I suffered from an eating disorder in my late teens, early 20’s…I still suffer every day. And I think that is what I want to talk about today, the fact that our demon is not something we can ever actually get over.

Once you suffer, no matter how well it looks like you are doing, you live with that forever, that demon that keeps wanting to come back. Now before you begin to worry, I am a lot stronger than I used to be and have done everything in my power to ensure I stay a healthy person. This is not a cry for help for me, it is a cry for help for humanity.

I try to go to the gym, even though people around me make comments like “well don’t over do it,” “are you sure that’s a good idea?”

I try to eat healthy, even though people around me make comments like “is that enough?” “shouldn’t you eat some meat?”

And then it hits me like a brick wall. Mental illness is not something that one person suffers with, it is an epidemic of misconstrued information and not understood notions and stigma. We as a community of humans, don’t get it.

Every single one of us suffers from something. Every. Single. One. Of. Us.

If we looked at people through the scope of compassion rather than judgement maybe it wouldn’t take years for people to come out and say, yes my demons were winning once but I got this now. People wouldn’t feel like they would be less of a person for reaching out for help.

I have been the person who has said all the wrong things, I have been the person who people say all the wrong things to. But here I am now, open, willing and able to listen, to help, to just sit non judgmentally as you figure out how to win your battle. This should be our message as a human community.

You are not alone, we are all together in this. My demons might be different than yours but they all have the same mother.


Coming in HOTTTTT

Y’all I wrote all those extra “T’s” up in the title to symbolize that while we aren’t coming in hot like with a sense of urgency,  we ARE coming in hot with a sense of tasteful beauty.

The cabinets are almost finished! I don’t want to give away our big reveal but here is a little something-something to see what a difference some paint and months of hard work will get ya…


cabinet before

So bland and regular (not at all a match for my personality).

And after…

cabinet after

AMAZING (which by the way is the perfect match for my personality if you ask me LOL)

I am in shock at what a can of primer, a can of paint and some patience has the power to do. These were in great condition so it made more sense for us to grab a Valspar cabinet enamel in the shade darker than white (that of course I can’t remember right now but it’s a slightly tinted white so it didn’t look too sterile for the space I had) and a can of primer and have at it! This option saved me enough money to splurge on the sink and faucet combo of my dreams (coming at you soon).

Besides these cabinets we have also been working on the electrical for a new over the range microwave, making our own butcher block for the brand new island we are creating, picking out some finishes and lots of trips to the hardware store. Oh and turning our white appliances into stainless steel but that will come in another post 😉

If nothing else, this experience has taught me what a real DIY’er is and let me tell you without all the editing tricks of TV, it is really hard! Thanks for sticking with me…I think before the month is up we might have our entire before and after out!


Hello From the Other Side

I must have painted a thousand times.

See what I did there…thank you Adele.

Where have I been right? Well…I have been in a hell that is hard to explain if you have never been there before. Painting kitchen cabinets hell.

I so seriously appreciate the cost effectiveness of painting cabinets but guys…the work associated with this painting is EXCESSIVE.

I have been chomping at the bit to post some more before and afters but just haven’t gotten there. I have however, painted my hair white by accident while painting the under side of upper cabinets. Yup…still white also after washing, good thing white hair is in these days!

I also may or may not have painted one of the children. You win some you lose some right!

Before and Afters will be making a come back next week! Oh and a copper sink is in the future…stay tuned!!


Rustic Entry Way Makeover

PSA- If you are about to scroll past without clicking the link you will miss the before and after photos…and you really don’t want to!!

Another weekend in the books and another transformation complete in the kitchen! We are getting there y’all…like really getting there. I think this kitchen has become a metaphor for my life. At one point in the kitchen’s life it was new and beautiful and unused. Then as the years went on and maintenance was differed the kitchen just became average, sort of forgotten and even a little bleak and boring. Now, with renewed life the kitchen and me, are beginning to take the spotlight again. Before we know it this whole thing will be the showstopper it should be!

We worked on a lot of things this weekend but we only completed one whole before and after of the entry way into the kitchen/dining room from the deck.

Here is the boring before…

before entry wall

And the modern, rustic after…

after entry wall2

Who doesn’t love barn board am I right?!

Okay so the Home Sweet Home sign is a key holder that I made myself and am completely obsessed with!

home key holder

I took a trip to the good old Hobby Lobby (guys seriously I am going to need a freakin intervention here soon) and picked up this modern chic chicken wire window that was unfinished, an unfinished statement (Home Sweet Home) and some brass hooks.

I painted the window a chalk white and the statement a chalk mint green, then attached the statement and hooks to the window and voila, my own key holder sign! Would it have taken me less time to buy one already made, of course…but my 7 year old told me I should make my own and I think he made the right call. After all, whenever anyone walks into my home and asks me where I got this baby, I get to proclaim that I MADE IT!

Okay so back to the wall transformation…besides my SWEET key holder we also used a barn board panel, chair rail molding and corner molding.

I am trying to be cost efficient so I chose a panel instead of individual planks which saved both time and money! I had gone to Lowe’s to get some samples of colors for the cabinets and had an off white and then a more creamy white/tan color, turns out the sample of the creamy white/tan was perfect for the moldings and chair rail and added some lightness to the paneling! I think it was called “Cream in my Coffee” from Valspar.

I don’t think there is much that gets me more pumped up than before and afters! Stay tuned, this cost effective DIY is just getting rolling!


Accent Wall like a Pinterest Boss!

Y’all it has happened! Finally after 3 weeks, the accent wall has been completed! And I have our very first before and after for you!!!

Here is the before of a drab bare wall in my kitchen…

Before Kitchen

And here is the after…

After Kitchen

And wait here is one more comparison because I am slightly (LARGELY) obsessed with this transformation!


Before Kitchen2


After Kitchen4

So let me take you through how we went from boring drab yellow to this outstanding show stopper wall!

So I chose the wallpaper first, it was my inspiration for what the rest of the kitchen will look like, I wanted rustic but fun colors mixed with wood and white for a classic yet modern farmhouse look.

We had a hole in the wall from a phone jack that we will never use, so to make everything easy and even we actually threw up a panel on the wall with some construction adhesive and nails to ensure that we had a flat even surface. This meant we didn’t need to spend time and money patching a wall. Then we took this wallpaper, NuWallpaper Peel and Stick in Old Salem Vintage, and ran it down the panel, lining up edges as we went for a seamless look across the wall.

Then we put up the shelves that by the way were completely home made! These babies will hold a person!! I knew I wanted some wood open shelving but I was running into issues with weight limits on every pre-made shelf I could find…not really ideal when you are thinking about putting some dishes, jars, sugars and other kitchen items up on display.

So we constructed these 3 foot shelves with 2×4’s and plywood and then covered them with a wood panel that we stained mahogany. We screwed them into studs to ensure they would stay put! Anyone who wants specific instructions let me know, I can get them! Building these from scratch allowed me to tailor them to the size I wanted, these shelves are 9 inches deep…just enough to hold a lot of items but not too much that people will be walking into them.

To define the accent wall we stained some trim the same mahogany as the shelves and lined either side of the wallpaper from floor to ceiling to elongate the space.

And then I was able to decorate!!

After Kitchen2

The white and green jars were simple mason and cookie jars that I painted with chalk paint. The other decor were some of my sweet discount finds at the Hobby Lobby (guys my shameless, no money made off this at all pitch, is if you have never been to a Hobby Lobby store you NEED to find one and go!!! Set aside a few hours, you will need all of the time possible LOL!)

If you can’t tell I am over the moon excited that this part of the kitchen is done. Of course it has fueled my fire to keep going…expect some more before and afters coming at you soon!! Thanks for being here on this journey with me!

Boring 90’s to Modern Farmhouse coming up!

Happiness is Homemade

Okay DIY’ing your own kitchen is not at all what it looks like on HGTV. It also doesn’t go nearly as fast!

So this started a couple of weeks ago and the progress made is minimal at best. I really wanted some sturdy open shelves to hold pretty containers that could be functional as well…you know hold the gummy snacks, coffee and pasta (hidden veggie obviously, this is 2018 you know!). All the store bought shelves had teeny tiny weight limits on them and my luck would have the shelves and everything on them crashing to the floor at 3:00am. So thanks to Pinterest and my need to be better than it (Damn you Pinterest!!!) we decided that building shelves would be best…

Well that process was started before New Years and to date still no hanging shelves. However…I have managed to paint some beautiful glass jars to camouflage some goodies once those shelves do get up!

I guess I am learning that things come in time and until then I have to stop and smell the roses that I will be putting in one of these beautiful, fun jars (eventually!).

New Year, Same Me…New Kitchen!

Y’all I am not one for sappy posts or sayings or pretty much sappy anything. I am also not one for resolutions. I think if you want change you work at it, you don’t wish for it.

Also, small disclaimer…I am not a professional contractor or designer or anything of the sort. I am just a thirty something woman with a freakin dream and Pinterest.

With all that being said, per typical I made no grand plan to be better or do better or any of that but I did spend the weekend beginning to create a new kitchen! I have posted a picture above of what my kitchen looks like right now, I know it’s DREAMY (HA!). To be honest, it isn’t in bad shape at all, my house is younger than I am so nothing is that bad, but when i purchased the home the kitchen was something I could live with…not something I couldn’t live without. And until now, I really couldn’t muster up the strength will power and want to change that.

I created a vision board for the first time in my actual entire life, like ever and I must admit it was AMAZING. To see the colors and ideas all together in one space was like unicorn magic. I have dreams of a modern, rustic country kitchen with oil brushed bronze, barnwood, open shelving, mason jars., whites, greens, wood…you get the picture and if you don’t I will share PLENTY!

The kitchen has become my January, it’s freezing to death outside, project with my goal of keeping the entire re-do under $1500…so if you are into this kind of stuff you want to throw me a follow for the next few weeks to see some before and after photos.

Who says -14 degrees can’t be fun right?!

12 Parenting Joys at Christmas

Being a parent during the holidays is both very tiring and very rewarding! I have put together a top 12 list of some “joys” and not so joys about this time of year. Enjoy!

12. Planning- As the parent you are responsible for the planning of get togethers, when to open gifts, what kind of food to have, the centerpieces for tables (See crafting later in this list! LOL)…so much planning! And then of course you have the last minute Larry’s who come in and throw off your entire PLAN that you planned for! UGH

11. Gingerbread Houses- Okay so am I the only parent who does not like Gingerbread?? I can’t be. Well tis the season to create messy, icing filled gingerbread houses that take up an enormous amount of counter space as they sit there and do nothing…can’t eat it right because your children are so proud of their leaning tower of gingerbread that it would break their hearts if you took a chunk out of the roof. So there it sits, eating up prime time real estate while mocking you.

10. Christmas Countdown- Don’t get me wrong here, I love that my oldest son wakes up at 6am, even on weekends, to go move the Christmas star one day closer to Christmas and then come in and remind me of just how few days I have left to get my sh*t together…I LOVE it.

9. Crafting- When you live in an artistic family crafting is a norm and is an art that you pass on to your own children. You get together for paint nights and you create your own year round decorations but then Christmas comes and your craft crazy family goes Christmas Craft Crazy! I have spent hours creating centerpieces and table-scapes and you know what I don’t hate it!

8. Shopping- Ladies and Gentlemen I began shopping in early November…I had a plan and a Christmas Club check…

7. More Shopping- Here we are five days away, totally out of Christmas Club money and here I am still shopping…excuse me while I update my Amazon Cart! #theworst

6. Wrapping- Nope. Listen, I used to think that wine would save me…come to find out nothing can save me. Okay, my fault for buying like everything ever but the amount of wrapping that I have done and have yet to do it beyond excessive at this point…who is with me? Please make me feel less alone!

5. The “Hot Toy”- You know what had I known that a fifteen dollar monkey that chills on your finger would be the one toy that everyone had to have and no one could find months ago when there were shelves full of these things…I wouldn’t have had to go to another country to get one! Yup I went that far. What have I done with my life. Oh speaking of going that far…I also hid some of these elusive monkeys in a Toys R Us for my mom besties while I was out shopping a few weekends ago because you couldn’t buy more than one. Okay I waited for the staff person to leave the table holding these valuable (eye roll) toys and then I grabbed a few and ran. Again I say to you, what have I done with me life?!

4. Mario- Mario is the name of our elf. Every single opportunity that my son has had to name something himself has resulted in Mario. We have about 5 fish named Mario as well. Anyways…if you are a parent you probably love your little Mario just as much as I do. Mario always makes a mess that he never cleans up, cooks M and M’s late at night and sometimes when he has had too much wine and done too much wrapping he forgets to move…MELT-DOWN. Oh and this year the 7 year old is sad because he is going to have to say good bye to Mario…I for one can’t wait for him to be back in the North Pole #justsayin

3. Cookies- I have NOTHING against Christmas cookies, except that they are so freakin YUMMY and my summer body didn’t work out like I wanted so I was holding out hope for my Christmas body…yea probably not.

2. Christmas Drink- Is brunch too early for Vodka? No but really??

1. Christmas Morning- I have to admit, I have absolutely nothing even passive aggressive to say about Christmas Morning. You don’t understand JOY at all until you have children on Christmas morning.

This Christmas I hope you drink the Vodka at breakfast, enjoy the wine while wrapping and take the good with the bad so that you can get to the GREAT.

Merry Christmas Y’All!

Leather and Lace

I have broached this subject before in my writing…the wonder of how much of who we are is who we were born as and how much is what we learn when we are young.

I had previously written about my son’s belief in Jesus in a home in which we don’t typically discuss religion. This, to me, was a sign that he was born to believe.

But now I find myself on the opposite side. My children both enjoy long, creepy walks in the cemetery. My oldest likes taking pictures with old graves, likes exploring and could spend hours in the spooky section at the party store. When he was three years old he grabbed a hold of a glow in the dark skeleton in said party store and would not let it go. This skeleton became the thing that he carried around with him.

I, of course, couldn’t be happier that my children LOVE Halloween and all things spooky. I don’t think it is weird at all that we enjoy the cemetery together or that we go hunting for the scariest decorations. But that is because I also love Halloween and all things spooky, this time of year is my absolute favorite. I have been in movies, commercials, on stage and behind the scenes in the spook world for many years and while I don’t do that anymore I still enjoy the season with my family very much.

This of course had me wondering, would my small children be all about the spook if I wasn’t?

I can’t answer that question. But it had me thinking about childhood and exposure.

I spent a sick amount of time binge watching Netflix this weekend (don’t judge) and after I finished my horse show, an older show that I used to watch religiously popped up and I thought hey why not! Seven seasons of shows will give me something to do for a long time when I get bored.

I started watching and began to feel an ache inside of me for a life that I had LOVED so dearly, a life that I had lived my whole life since birth until I just didn’t anymore. I was brought back to the rumble that radiates through your entire body, the exhilaration of holding on tight when that rip from the motorcycle explodes you onto the road, the freedom of being one with the wind.

I had lived all things biker since I was born. I was accustomed to ass-less chaps and paint on shirts, to tattoos, bandanas, braids and freedom and maybe that made me a lot of who I am today, which I still think is a pretty bad ass, right in your face, say it like it is type of girl who can’t get away from leather and lace.

But most people don’t live that life. And I wonder how much of my LOVE for that is from who I am and how much is from who my parents were.

Like I said, I am not here to answer the question just to wonder that maybe when we begin to wander, it isn’t because we are searching for something new rather longing for something long past.


There are days like today in which I feel a strong urge, a pull from inside of me to be doing something more, something different, something better.
There are times in which I see Evil or hear Evil and break down from it. Not because I am weak but because Evil does not live inside of me and I don’t understand it.
What I do understand is that Evil exists in our world. I understand that Evil has existed for longer than I have and it will exist long after I am gone.
What I don’t understand is why when Evil rears it’s head someone looks for someone or something to blame.
Blame the Evil, whether it be man, woman or whomever but stop the hate game, please for the sake of this country stop the hate. Hate begets hate right? That statement is true in all circumstances, not just in the ones you want it to be. In this world full of so much hate there has to be a break point, where something changes. A point in which people turn the page and begin to regard all life as important.
On days where I feel helpless, like today, I am reminded that the power of people is enormous. When I feel like there is nothing I can do that will make a difference I remind myself that I am not indifferent. I will not walk by wrong doing on the street and do nothing. I will not listen to injustice and sit idle. I will act.
Will you?
  1. lack of interest, concern, or sympathy.
    “she shrugged, feigning indifference”
    • unimportance.
      “it cannot be regarded as a matter of indifference”