Yesterday was one of those days for me, the kind of days were you think there is absolutely no way I can do this.
I get migraines sometimes, and as I have gotten older the frequency with which the pain hits me has increased. The pain in my head gets so bad that it makes me physically sick, swells the parts of my face that hurt and blurs my vision. I try really hard to adult well…I drink plenty of water, I walk every day, I go to sleep even if I want to stay up to have some time to myself…you know all the things you are supposed to do. But regardless of my efforts, sometimes they still come.
Yesterday was a migraine day for me. I got up and managed to get into the shower, the water and sway that I felt in my body made me feel sea sick so when I got out of the shower, the best I could do was the floor of the bathroom. I sat there and gathered myself. Ten minutes or so went by and I was able to put on my skirt for work and a bra. I grabbed the children’s drinkable Motrin because I would not have been able to successfully swallow a pill and started drinking. I needed something to dull the pain enough for me to continue on. My Jimmy had overslept as he always does so he was home.
As I sat on the bathroom floor he brought me a lightly buttered English Muffin and ginger-ale with a straw (my go to for when I am sick to my stomach), and I ate and drank for as much as I could stand to. When my phone said 5:55am I knew I needed to get up, somehow, someway I needed to finish getting changed, to get the kids up and get in my car.
Thankfully the children’s Motrin had succeeded in dulling some of the pain behind my eyes, making my vision clear. The food and drink had settled my stomach enough to make the sea sick feeling disappear. As Jimmy helped me get the kids in the car I thought about how nice it would be to be able to just go back to sleep. But going back to sleep is never an option for me and it especially wasn’t yesterday when I was tasked to be in work early to ensure pay day was a success for a large summer program.
Being a Mom is hard, when they say you don’t sick days they are right…those don’t exist. No matter how much you try to stay in bed or to ask for quiet, it just doesn’t work out that way. And it isn’t because they don’t want you to feel better, it’s because they need you to make them feel better. Just being there makes them feel like the world is okay. I tried to leave work about a hundred times yesterday but that didn’t work out either so I stuck it out, hour after hour I pushed thru to be there for everyone that needed me all 24 hours of the day.
Days like yesterday remind me that I am more capable than I think, I just keep going one step at a time because even if I have no idea how to get off the floor, I know that is not where I can stay.
Deep down we all know that about ourselves, somehow…someway we make it work.