Is All that is Gone, Lost?

First things first, while that is a photo of me that is not what I look like today. I have always somehow looked different. Every year, month, day something about me changes. On the daily my eyes can be a different color…sometimes blue, sometimes green and sometimes a gray purple color. My hair changes and not just because I dye it but it seems to guide the direction in which it now wants to be, short or long, darker or lighter. And then there is my face, a face that changes more often than other faces I have seen, I am not the same person today as yesterday.

While those changes are things that I embrace and find amusing, this is not about all those changes that I have always had, allowing me to blend in with people who once knew me. Nope. This is about my body, about your body if you have ever given birth and wondered was all that I was gone forever? Can I ever have that back again?!

I am at a time in my life in which “alone time” is something I get when I go to the grocery store (BTW not something I classify as actual alone time). So the idea of getting 2 hours a day, 5 days a week to go to a gym (which is how I got a semblance of ABS ever in my whole life) seems like a really bad joke. But I don’t want that athletic side of me to be lost forever and not just because I don’t want to let it go but because I remember how awesome it felt right after a workout…

As a working mom in the suburbs with 2 children, a full time job, sometimes a social life and constant activities I find myself wondering how do I stop losing it??

If you were reading this thinking “OMG I feel you girl,” and hoping that at the end of this post I would have a solution I am sorry to say I don’t. But the first step for me was realizing that I don’t want to lose this part of myself, I don’t want it to change permanently, I want to have some semblance of ABS again and toned shoulders (like really who did I think I was then!!) I want to feel that feeling after a good workout and not feel lost in a body unfamiliar to me.

And the next step for me is figuring out how the hell to find the road that takes me back there!

#throwbackthursday #26hourdays? #sigh



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